Family violence

Family violence occurs when one person in a family uses threats, intimidation, control, or harmful behaviour towards another family member. While disagreements and arguments can happen in families, family violence is different. It involves behaviour that causes fear, harm, or ongoing emotional distress.

Children and young people can be affected by family violence whether they experience it directly, witness it, or live in a home where it is occurring.

What does family violence look like?

Family violence can take many forms, including:

Physical violence

• Hitting, pushing, kicking, slapping, or choking
• Throwing objects or damaging property
• Using physical force to intimidate or control someone

Emotional or psychological abuse

• Constant criticism, humiliation, or name-calling
• Threatening, intimidating, or controlling behaviour
• Isolating someone from friends, family, or support networks
• Making someone feel afraid, worthless, or responsible for the abuse

Sexual violence

• Forcing or pressuring someone into sexual activity
• Unwanted sexual contact or behaviour
• Any sexual activity that occurs without consent

Signs a child or young person may be affected

Children and young people respond to family violence in different ways. Some signs may include:

Emotional signs

• Anxiety, fear, sadness, or anger
• Low self-esteem or loss of confidence
• Becoming withdrawn or unusually quiet

Behavioural signs

• Aggressive or challenging behaviour
• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Avoiding home or wanting to stay elsewhere
• Changes in friendships or social interactions

Physical and educational signs

• Difficulty sleeping or frequent tiredness
• Complaints of headaches or stomach aches
• Difficulty concentrating at school
• Changes in attendance, engagement, or academic performance

How can I help?

If a child or young person shares concerns about violence at home, or you suspect they may be affected:

• Stay calm and listen without judgment
• Reassure them that they have done the right thing by speaking up
• Let them know the violence is not their fault
• Take their concerns seriously
• Follow your organisation's safeguarding and reporting procedures where appropriate
• Help connect them with appropriate support services and trusted adults

Keeping children and young people safe

If family violence is occurring:

• Encourage the child or young person to identify safe adults they can talk to
• Help them understand who they can contact in an emergency
• Never encourage a child or young person to intervene in a violent situation
• Prioritise their immediate safety and wellbeing

What to do in an emergency

If someone is in immediate danger:

• Call 111 and ask for the Police
• Move to a safe location if possible
• Seek help from a trusted neighbour, family member, or friend
• Stay away from any violence or confrontation while waiting for help to arrive

Remember

• Family violence is never acceptable
• Family violence is never a child or young person's fault
• Children and young people who experience family violence need support, safety, and reassurance
• Early intervention can make a significant difference
• There are people and services available to help children, young people, and their whānau

If you are concerned about the safety of a child or young person, seek advice from your organisation's safeguarding lead, a family violence support service, Oranga Tamariki, Police, or another appropriate professional support service.