Feeling angry

What can I do about my anger?

Do you get really angry sometimes? So angry you can’t control your actions? Don’t worry this is normal! Everyone feels angry sometimes. Lots of things can make you feel angry.

Remember: It’s okay to feel angry – we all get angry sometimes

Anger or aggression… What’s the difference?

An aggression is when you hurt somebody or something because you’re angry. It’s OK to feel angry but it's not OK to:

• hurt yourself
• hurt other people
• damage things

1 – Notice when you start feeling angry

Stop and think about what was going on. If you get to know your anger, and what sets it off, you can step in and stop the bad things happening – things that hurt other people and get you into trouble.

People feel anger in different ways. Here are some warning signs:

• Change in breathing
• Muscles tense up
• Fists clench
• Funny feeling in your tummy
• Feel like crying
• Wanting to be alone
• Stop talking

Learn to know your warning signs so you know when you’re getting angry.

2 – Stop and think about what things make you angry

• Something not going your way
• Finding your homework too hard
• Your team lost the game
• Other kids teasing you
• Your parents are being unfair
• You got the blame for something you didn’t do

You won’t always know why you feel angry – and that’s OK too. Sometimes you just wake up in a bad mood. But, it always helps if you admit that you are feeling angry..

Try to understand your anger – where it comes from, how it feels and what it can make you do. Anger is so strong that it can hide other feelings – maybe you’re feeling hurt, or frightened, or disappointed.

 3 – Talk about it 

Talking about anger can help you feel a lot better. It helps you to:

• Get rid of the bad feelings
• Come up with ideas to solve the problem and make things better
• Learn from what happened, and move past it

It’s best to talk about your angry feelings with someone you trust. You can talk to:

• Your parents or someone else in your whānau
• A teacher or a counsellor at your school
• Someone from your church
• A grown up you can trust

Remember, you can always call 0800 What’s Up – we’re here to help!

4 – Do something to feel better

Here are some ideas you could try to help you manage your anger:

• Talk to a friend who cheers you up
• Write down your thoughts and feelings – you can keep what you write or rip it up and throw it away
• Draw a picture of your anger
• Read a book
• Play a video game
• Watch a funny movie or video
• Sing along to your favourite music
• Take a bike ride, go skateboarding, play basketball — do something fun!

Remember – It’s OK to feel angry sometimes!